3 Things I Wish I Knew Before 40 (From a Gay Black Man Who Moved to Mexico)
Hey y’all — I realized I never properly introduce myself in my videos, so here’s the quick tea. I’m Nick, born and raised in Louisiana, lived in LA and New York, and then one day I said bye! and moved my whole life to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. And baby… PV might be the gay mecca of North America. If there’s a gayer U.S. city, let me know because I haven’t found it yet.
As I’m wrapping up my 30s and sliding into 40, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I wish someone had told me growing up — especially as a gay Black man. So here are the three big lessons that hit the hardest.
1. Not Everyone Will Like You — or Respect You
This one took me years to learn. In corporate America, I often felt underappreciated and overlooked, even when I was doing the work, delivering results, and playing the politics. People would kiki with me at work but… did they actually like me?
Perfect example:
I moved from LA to New York for what I thought was my dream job at the Tamron Hall Show. Packed my life, had no friends, started fresh — and then got fired. Not by Tamron, child, but by the executive producer. To this day I still don’t know why. My numbers were up, I reported something, and the next thing I knew… gone.
I could’ve sued. I probably would’ve won. But I moved on.
What it taught me is this: nobody at work is responsible for protecting you but YOU. And just because someone looks like you, or shares your identity, does not mean they’re going to advocate for you. I always show up for people — Black, white, whatever — but that same energy wasn’t returned to me.
Lesson learned.
2. Get Your Passport Early — America Ain’t It
I wish someone had told me to travel when I was younger. There is SO much world out there, and America is not the center of it.
My first international trip was Thailand… via China. And baby, I lost my luggage, didn’t speak a word of Mandarin, no Google Translate back then — and somehow still made it work. That trip changed me. When you can navigate a country alone where nobody speaks your language? You feel unstoppable.
Travel opens up your brain, your confidence, your understanding of what’s possible for your life. I didn’t start until my 30s — and I wish I had started at 20.
3. I Wish I Knew How to Build a Better Relationship With My Parents
This one is tough. My relationship with my parents has never been great. My mom has passed, and me and my dad… we just don’t have that bond. I’ve tried, and tried, and tried — but sometimes it feels like talking to a wall.
I don’t blame myself entirely. Relationships take two (or three), and kids don’t always get the tools they need early on. I wish I had known how to navigate that when I was younger because maybe things would look different now.
As I Enter My 40s… What Now?
I’m turning 39 on Monday — my last birthday in my 30s — and honestly I’m exhausted from Vlogmas, but I committed, so here we are.
But I need y’all: What do I have to look forward to in my 40s? Are things going to pop off? Is it a new chapter? A softer era? More clarity? Less chaos? Because baby, I am READY.
Your 20s are messy.
Your 30s are refinement.
But what the hell happens in the 40s?
Tell me in the comments what your 40s have looked like, what you’ve learned, and what I should prepare for.
And drop some topics y’all want me to ramble about — we’ve got 20 more days of Vlogmas and I’ve got stories for days.